Nar3: Japan

Posted on Friday, January 16th, 2004 at 8:32am by Brett.
(Friday, January 16th, 2004 at 10:32pm Japanese Standard Time)

Is that...why yes, it is! The sound of Brett letting off steam!

Oh where to start.

Anyone that has spoken to me recently knows that I've joined a band here. It's called the "Tsukuba Daigaku Suisou Gakudan", and while this phonetically sounds like it means "The Tsukuba University Winds Band," the kanji that are actually used translate to "Time-sucking leaches--run away, run away, run away".

This band meets 18 hours a week. My classes meet 12! They're CRAZY about it. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like playing music. I like playing my sax...but come ON people! Don't you guys have lives? When do you do homework! Eat? Sleep? Shower?!? I can't spend every waking moment in that band room! I'm pretty sure they're all Vulcans...and the guy that's been showing me around, he's Tuvok.

I understand that we have a concert coming up in February, but c'mon. I have a life. I'm not spending it in that band room!

Oh, if you were wondering, The Ohio State University is the money-grubbing corporate whore-beast that apparently employs keyboard skilled primates in its Office of Financial Aid.

I knew my scholarships were getting ready to expire, so around the middle of November I emailed the Office of Financial Aid asking for advice and general guidance so I could renew and reapply for my scholarships. It took only 3 emails for me to make them to understand that I couldn't make an appointment in Licoln Tower, no matter what hours they were open, because I was a good 6000 miles away, and unless they were willing to buy a ticket for me to return to talk to them, I wouldn't be able to get there. After they realized "OH....study ABROAD *Throws some pooh at the screen*" I received an email telling me that I will have to wait until January to start looking, because the information will only just be going up on their website at that time. So I did.

Yeah, well that didn't work out so well. I found out today that deadlines for two scholarships that I wanted have already passed. One of them was a very important one that I was hoping to reapply for so I can continue going to school when I get back to America. Thanks to the simian suggestions from The Beast, I am now out about $1500 a quarter. Thanks OSU.

Alright. Anyone who fancies himself (or herself, I don't judge) a web designer, listen the HECK up! The next time you decide that you need to resize my browser so your content will look marginally presentable in it, I will hop a plane to your country, find you, and beat the living crap out of you with your own keyboard. If you are unable to create a website that will work in a resolution AT LEAST 800x600 (and yes, it's 800x600, not 600x800...unless your HEAD is on wrong) then you don't need to be trying. Give up. Find a new hobby or read a couple books!

The next javascript popup I get telling me that my browser is not "WIN32" compliant, I will personally make a point to lock the owner of that website in jail when I become Undisputed King of the Universe and Its Surrounding Territories. First off, there is no such thing as "WIN32" complian. That would imply that there is some standard called "WIN32" that my browser doesn't meet. While I will assume the error is that I am not running Windows, it gives me the right to shout "THIS IS NOT A RUDDY ERROR!"

Speaking of bad web practices, PDF is not an acceptable format FOR PLAIN TEXT! People...for the LOVE of all things good, what is wrong with leaving plain text...now, go ahead and take time to read this slowly, because I know how long it takes your brain to process information...

What is wrong (breathe...) with leaving plain text (breathe...) AS BLEEDING PLAIN TEXT!

PDF format is good if, say, you have a technical manual that mixes a lot of images and text, and cannot be converted to HTML because it has to remain EXACTLY the same. Any other uses is just an annoy waste of time on your part, which leads to an annoying waste of time on my part, which leads to my having to do some very rude things involving you and your mouse, which leads to the police report being typed up and saved as a PDF...and...it's a vicious cycle. Just something I'd rather not have to do...

Along those same lines, the NEXT site I find that thinks using Flash is innovative, or fun, or even just nifty I will hunt the author down like a rabid, foaming, killer dog, and put him out of his misery before someone else does. Yes, I realize it may be selfish of me to want to enjoy this little slice of heaven alone, but I feel that, as a member of the human race and part of the Society for the Advancement of General Intelligence, it is my honor-bound DUTY. It shouldn't pose a problem for the UKUIST, after all.

Besides crashing my browser, and taking forever to load, and then taking forever to download the "presentation", I don't really want to sit and watch a 30 second intro that consists of your name, company logo, picture, dog, cat, baby, or the time spinning and floating with techno music playing in the background.

There are exactly two sites that are authorized to use Flash in any way. If you are not Seth Able Robinson, author of Funeral Quest, or Matt or Mike Chapman of homestarrunner.com fame, then you DO NOT need to be using Flash. These three people alone know how to use Flash, and only they have the proper ratio of intelligence, experience, consideration, and creativity to use it. If you aren't one of them, return your copy of "Flash for Dummies" immediately and check out some of the tutorials from w3schools.com.

Well, I think I have exhausted my list of targets for the moment.

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9 Comments for this post.
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yup by Pete [2004/18/01 05:42 ET]
actually it did tell me when and where to use flash. One thing my tutor stressed is that flash should NEVER EVER be used to present an animated intro to your website, because people tend to get tired of waiting for it to load and will probably decide to navigate away, even if it has a "quit intro" button.
badness by Brett [2004/18/01 02:43 ET]
We could go on and on...

Pete, you've not tried to make a site from flash, so you're still ok. I would imagine part of that course explained when and when not to use it?

I mean...I didn't even get started on the angelfire syndrom pages....
one more by josh [2004/17/01 15:05 ET]
Sites that think it is a good idea to make their own
forward and back buttons on the page. Then If you
try to use your browsers buttons, they do stupid things..

Chill by Pete [2004/16/01 19:09 ET]
Brett, chill!

You're gonna do yourself a mischief if you aren't careful.

Speaking of Flash, what about people who took classes in website design and covered Flash as one of the main modules towards his diploma (I mean me) Don't I get to use it either?
well well well.... by ted [2004/16/01 17:01 ET]
I don't know if our heighness, The Undisputed King of the Universe and Its Surrounding Territories, would agree...lol... but maybe you answered your own question about why you can't use flash with that link jason... j/k...
As for the simian employees at OSU, I have already offered our King my services as a royal lead pipe swinger and I suggest that all the other loyal subjects do the same... Josh... expect a memo regarding time and place... I'll accept your "I would very much like to participate in these ritual beatings." comment as a resume and consider you qualified... Jason... We may need you to create a flash presentation to distract them... please use lots of techno music and flashy things... "Mom" you can stay behind to nurse any "boo-boos" we might get along the way and keep us strong with lots of milk and cookies... To any lactose intolerant volunteers who might want soy milk... Suck it up!!!! This is war!!! Thank you... Have a good day...
oh yeah... by jason [2004/16/01 16:49 ET]
and why can't *i* use flash
oh! by jason [2004/16/01 15:31 ET]
and the people who think that using java to get the same effect as a mouseover is a good idea
help needed? by josh [2004/16/01 13:58 ET]
I would very much like to participate in these ritual beatings.
Lets throw browser detection in there to.
Yes, I know I am not using IE.
Thank you for telling me mr popup.
Oh, and sites that let request that you use netscape
4.x, but down let you use mozilla 6.x
Talk about backwards.
Uhh... by mom [2004/16/01 12:10 ET]
Uhhh...whatever you say. And I really mean that WHATEVER you say. I didn't have a clue. So I'm sure you weren't talking to me.